Living a full life is important to me as trauma has touched my psyche too many times to count, and has done so on deep and personal levels. Approaching the launch of my new book I’m going to be addressing some subjects over the next few weeks that are, shockingly, a part of many people’s lives. I do so with the intention to uplift the spirit of anyone going through the torment of each given subject and hope that it gives them strength.
Unfortunately, being stalked has formed a part of my past. Unwanted attention curtailing the freedom of another person to the point they are left feeling in a constant need of being careful is a good description of stalking. Although each individual, isolated incident might seem innocent enough to onlookers, these repeated behaviours mount up. In doing so they amount to a course of conduct causing significant alarm, harassment or distress that is unwanted attention.
This behaviour is, therefore unacceptable.
Stalking is a form of mental assault, which at times can also become physical. There are laws in place to protect against it but unless you are under direct threat of violence its often difficult to get anyone to take you seriously (especially the police) and you have to provide written, photographic or video evidence that you are under direct threat of violence to be taken immediately seriously.
Stalking is a dangerous game to be on the receiving end of. It leaves you in a position of choice—crumbling under the pressure or in becoming stronger. Personally, I was left having to decide on tactic changes, on having to leave the house at differing times and living behind closed curtains in order for peace.
I knew my stalker, which is often the case. Ironically they are the most dangerous kind. It started with a letter and some flowers, with the letters turning to emails and phone calls. My ordeal lasted six years.
Now with a platform to speak out about the torment that some endure, I believe it important to speak out, for silence solves nothing. Some might think I’m holding onto my past—to those I say I share to help others have the strength to make this stop.
I struggled in silence for too long. I relied on those who said they couldn’t help. Help is out there if you know where to seek it.I would like to add that the person on the receiving end isn't always a woman and that in some cases it is the woman doing the stalking.
Help is out there... here are the websites etc,
If you are in immediate danger always call 999 and ask for the police.
The National Stalking Helpline through the British government will take you to three links:
First: The Suzy Lamplugh Trust, which was set up after estate agent, Suzy Lamplugh went missing on 28th July 1986 9in Fulham. She was officially declared dead, presumed murdered in 1983. The trust was set up "because what happened to Suzy must not happen to anyone else". The website is filled with useful information.
Second: Paladin National Stalking Advocacy Service, who assist high risk victims of stalking throughout England and Wales. You would be put into contact with Paladin through the police. Their website address is down right now but is normally available if you google "stalking government UK"
Third: Protection Against Stalking, which was set up after Clare was murdered at work by her ex boyfriend by Clare's mother, Tricia. Committed to raising awareness of stalking and supporting victims and their families they can be contacted via the link below,
Additionally, Solace Women's Aid is specifically located in London for women and children. It gives free advice and support on how to build safe, strong lives enabling futures free from abuse and violence.