Flashbacks are daunting and my first one occurred at the deep end of a swimming pool as I was attempting to regain some normality in my life. At the very moment I was magically transported back into the room in which I was attacked and re-lived the assault I was plunged into another trauma that would torment me for years. Water rushed into my airways, creating a secondary panic. Already claustrophobic as a result of my head injury I now had an overriding fear of placing my head anywhere near water and this would affect my daily living for a very long time.
My adult life has been a complex series of events requiring survival skills and although I’d successfully dealt with these events and survived their effects, being pre-disposed to trauma placed me at a higher risk of susceptibility to Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Because of my life, my memory loss and the assault it was a difficult process to come to terms with and an even harder one to conquer. Taking two separate courses of therapy with a substantial gap and two different therapists I finally broke free of the choke-hold CPTSD had over me and started to live life. It remains a condition that has my respect because despite it being under control I can feel it bubbling [very] deep under the surface at times: I know the signs and I know how to combat them.
From someone who had isolated herself and hid either in the empty bath tub or under the kitchen table until it was perceived safe to emerge please know its possible to harness fear and turn it into something worthwhile. Next time I will share more insight into PTSD and then will start talking about fear, when I will be introducing my first guest.
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